It may have been said

July 18, 2003

It may have been said before, but if so it bears repeating: John Kricfalusi is absolutely batshit-fucking insane. I thought Ren & Stimpy was crazy before, but then I saw tonight’s episode. I tell you, you have not lived until you’ve seen Stimpy wearing a crash helmet and custom-modified spandex briefs bouncing around in a toilet bowl, trying to unclog it.

In further proof that John K is insane, he’s the protegé of a certain Ralph “Rotoscope” Bakshi. And he’s Canadian.

From the gee-who-would-have-guessed department, Google News brought the following headline to my attention: Death Risk Higher in Obese Women with Colon Cancer. A note to any struggling medical researchers out there: have all your recent experiments been failures where you didn’t manage to determine jack shit? Just do the following and you’ll be rolling in grant money again. Step one, pick a category of people (for example, diabetics or people whose last names start with ‘M’) and study a bunch of them for a while. Step two, notice something along the lines of “the tall ones have circulatory problems” or “the fatties get all out of breath while climbing stairs”. Step four, profit!

The gluttony-and-sloth-forever department tells us that U.S. Children Fatter but Less Violent, Report Says. (Before I make snide comments from my position safely ensconced within my ivory tower of leanness, I’d like to celebrate the fact that Reuters chose to go with ‘Fatter’ instead of something lame like ‘More Overweight’.) Looks like fat people are jolly, after all! Or, failing that, merely too lazy to administer beatdowns. Either way, I should be safe from comeuppance following this inexplicable anti-fatty outpouring.

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