A Fantastic Story of a Troubled Man

June 7, 2005

And so, with the soft darkness of a humidly warm summer twilight languidly closing in around his sunburned body and the federally-protected forest in which he presently found himself, he patiently tied a crude noose to an overhanging branch of a conveniently-located tree and carefully proceeded to mercilessly take his own worthless life, his last panicked thought entirely consisting of a deep and abiding regret for having foolishly invented what he once proudly called his “Unimpeachably Magnificent Qualifierer”, the ridiculous device that had unfeelingly inflicted an unbearable plague of patently unnecessary descriptive terms on the innocent prose of a previously-unencumbered world.

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