Berthing pains

April 17, 2006

berth (bûrth)


  1. Sufficient space for a ship to maneuver; sea room: kept a clear berth of the reefs.
  2. A space for a ship to dock or anchor: a steamship moored to its berth at the pier.
    1. Employment on a ship: sought an officer’s berth in the merchant marine.
    2. A job: a comfortable berth as head of the department.
    1. A built-in bed or bunk, as on a ship or a train.
    2. A place to sleep or stay; accommodations: found a berth in a nearby hotel.
  3. A space where a vehicle can be parked, as for loading.

Now, which of those definitions applies in this kind of context?

Kings beat Hornets for eighth straight playoff berth

Mike Bibby hit five 3-pointers while scoring 23 points, and the Kings celebrated their eighth consecutive playoff berth with a 96-79 victory over the New Orleans Hornets on Sunday night.

Artest transformed the Kings’ season when he arrived in a trade with Indiana for Peja Stojakovic, the last holdover from Sacramento’s first playoff berth in the streak back in 1999.

Shortly after Artest arrived in town with a tarnished reputation and near-boundless energy from sitting out most of the last 1½ seasons, he brashly guaranteed a playoff berth for his new 18-24 club.

A spot in the playoffs has nothing to do with seamanship, that much is obvious. So is it a job? Is it a place to sleep, an accomodation? Fuck that, it’s neither of those, it’s a hard-won privilege paid for by months and years of training and hard work, and an opportunity for a team to further prove itself.

I want to find whoever was the second guy to use “berth” in this sort of postseason context, and cold-cock him. Lots of things can be forgiven once, but reusing—and in doing so helping to legitimize—horseshit like this is downright criminal.

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