Kablammo!

I woke up this morning, rubbed my eyes, got out of bed, and stretched. Then I ran my tongue over my teeth and felt something crumble, with a texture like puff pastry or those fried noodles you get with Chinese soup. I went to the bathroom and grinned for the mirror, and sure enough, I could see through my enamel in parts, though I felt no pain. Like a guy with a toothache (rather, a guy wondering why he didn’t have a toothache), I couldn’t help myself and kept investigating with my tongue. Every poke or prod resulted in another bit of tooth crumbling away and dissolving, and I stood transfixed, watching my teeth gradually disappear.

It was at this point that I remembered this has happened a few times before, and began telling myself it was all just a dream, which was true. I was aware that I was asleep; I was aware that I was dreaming; I was aware that none of it was really happening; but that didn’t make it any less horrible. I was powerless to do anything but watch and let the dream run its goddamn course. By the time I was finally allowed to leave, my mouth looked like Ren’s in the episode where he loses all his teeth (probably because I have no other reference for what a freshly toothless mouth looks like): a bunch of gaping, empty sockets with cartoonishly oversized nerves sticking out of them.

When I woke up for real, Listerine was at the top of my list of priorities.

1 Comment

• Laurel says:

  December 14, 2006 at 19:15

  I have teeth-falling-out dreams too. Usually mine all fall out at once though, and I’m left with a mouth full of teeth…but not in the good way.

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