Kablammo!

Only in Britain would they rather grow new teeth than brush the ones they already have.

See also: ROFL

Days since the end of “major combat operations in Iraq” was declared: 366
Ratio of American troops in Iraq killed after this declaration to those killed before: 4.3:1

Number of American troops in Iraq killed during April 2003: 73
Number killed during April 2004: 138

Thanks for all the comment spam, Enn.

Song of the Moment: «Savoy Truffle» — The Beatles

Fuck, I’m doomed. An hour left to finish a semester’s worth of work. I only need to add another three and a half pages to one essay and figure out how to wrap up two more. Fuck.

Behold: Saddam gets birthday visit by Red Cross. Something tells me his 67th birthday was celebrated with much more restraint than, say, his 64th. Physical restraints, like handcuffs and a prison cell. Ho ho.

Also behold: Woman May Have Driven Around With Dead Mom. Like Weekend at Bernie’s but slightly less hilarious.

Song of the Moment: «Into the Dead Sky» — At the Gates

I was reading up on John Kerry, specifically about his tour of duty in Vietnam. After all, he might be President next year and I think it’s generally considered a good idea for voters to inform themselves on stuff about the candidates they’re choosing between. Before I’d even begun to read the page, though, my eye was caught by something very off-putting:

Why does the logo there say “John Kerry, President” instead of “John Kerry For President”, as in the title of the page? It seems very weird and awfully presumptuous of him to have that as the logo on the top of every page of his official site. Obviously he didn’t make the picture or design the pages himself, but he has to have approved of them, and something about that feels wrong.

Also, what’s with his haircut? I mean, damn.

Song of the Moment: «Helvetin Hyvä Paimen» — CMX

Am I alone in considering this article on toilets a compelling reason for moving to Germany?

Also, woodpeckers and their hyoids are awesome.

Furthermore, I need me one of these.

Finally, Jon Johansen remains the king.

Song of the Moment: «King of Asskissing» — The Hives

There’s something very incongruous about this guy’s list of Amazon purchases:

Also, why the fuck didn’t I do anything this weekend? I don’t even have another ADoM gamewinner to show for myself.

Song of the Moment: «Angry Chair» — Alice in Chains

Considering that yesterday I ate breakfast, several platefuls of complimentary sandwiches, then a hot and meaty midnight snack, along with drinking an acceptable amount of beer, the last thing I was expecting was to wake up feeling hungry this morning. Hell, the last thing I was expecting was to wake up this morning and not afternoon, but apparently my crazy sleep cycle is still forcing me out of bed at preposterously early hours. 9 AM? WTF.

Anyway, I was surprised to discover that I felt very very hungry when I woke up. It seems like every time I eat copious amounts of food, my body expects just as copious amounts of food the next day. It always takes a week or so of ignoring the noises and hunger pangs my stomach constantly produces before everything settles down and I can get back to my usual schedule of one or two greasy take-out meals a day. Today, for example, dinner consisted of a huge portion of batter-fried haddock with chips. After 10 hours of feeling increasingly hungry (and brushing my teeth 4 or 5 times to try to alleviate the taste of acid in my mouth) I finally caved in to my body’s demands. On a similar note, as I write this I’ve been having to pee for some time now. That’s just another physical urge I suppress when it inconveniences me.

Where the hell is this black stuff on my hands coming from?

You should visit cockeyed.com. It’s quite amusing. I know of no other site dedicated to such noble tasks as determining the exact amount of filling in a package of Oreos and dressing up like California.

This entry’s Song of the Moment would have been “The Monk at the Disco” by Bobby Bare Jr if his voice weren’t sadly horrible in the recording. Other than that it’s a great song.

Song of the Moment: «Streets of Baltimore» — Gram Parsons

Since last Friday night, when I stupidly stayed up all night for absolutely no reason and got no comeuppance for it, I’ve been physically unable to sleep for more than 9 hours at a go. I’ve even been satisfied with a mere 4 hours at a time, and sometimes I’ve even gotten up when my alarm has gone off.

This put me in an awkward situation just now: when the first of three alarms I’d set for myself started making noise, I woke up and got up. This turned the rest of the alarms, which went off in the next few minutes, from useful tools to meer nuisances. Now I’ve got a whole hour or more of time to work with that I hadn’t budgeted for, so it looks like I’ll be able to shower, wrap up an essay, and grab some breakfast before class instead of my usual plan of rolling out of bed 2 minutes before class starts.

At least I’m not the only one with sleeping problems.

Song of the Moment: «Auf Achse» — Franz Ferdinand

I can’t decide whether I want to laugh until I cry or just skip the laughter and start weeping. Maybe I could just settle for cold-cocking a few Congressmen.

First, read this description of two bridges scheduled to be built with federal funds thanks to the recent national highway bill:

One, in Ketchikan, would be among the biggest in the United States: a mile long, with a top clearance of 200 feet from the water, 80 feet higher than the Brooklyn Bridge and just 20 feet short of the length of the Golden Gate Bridge. It would connect this economically depressed town of 7,845 people to an island that has about 50 residents and the area’s airport, which offers about six flights a day. It could cost about $200 million.

The other bridge would span an inlet for nearly two miles to tie Anchorage to a port that has a single regular tenant and few homes or businesses. It would cost up to $2 billion.

Then, as it turns out, Congress has risen to a new level of prostitution and pork-barrel riding:

…one of the most complex, special-interest-riddled corporate tax bills in years, lawmakers, Senate aides and tax lobbyists say. The 930-page epic is packed with $170 billion in tax cuts aimed at cruise-ship operators, foreign dog-race gamblers, NASCAR track owners, bow-and-arrow makers and Oldsmobile dealers, to name a few. There is even a $94 million break for a single hotel in Sioux City, Iowa.

Even one of the tax lobbyists involved in drafting it conceded the bill “has risen to a new level of sleaze.”

What happened to fiscal conservatism, Republicans? The only thing worse than a tax-and-spend government is a spend-and-spend government. Not that the Democrats aren’t assholes too. Ugh.

Sorry for the political bullshit, but I’m saddened and angered by this. Dear Congress, congratulations on showing the least bit of restraint, you greedy assclowns. I’ve never been happier to listen to anarcho-pacifistic punk.

Song of the Moment: «You Pay» — Crass